so i haven't been updating in this diary. i would say i'm sorry, but i think it was like my mom did with her first pregnancy, thinking that if she ignored it it would just go away. but what the hell. the reason i gave UP all my blogs was so that i wouldn't end up with 6 blogs, but i do, now, kind of. one on suicidegirls, one on myspace, one on livejournal, one here. one on paper which is an actual journal. i'm a maniac, maniac on the floor.

i've quit nannying and now i work back at red robin, an odd occurance since i LEFT there to go work as a nanny because i didn't like the place. still, i don't mind it now. i run myself ragged every day, on purpose. seriously, i'm on crack at that place. i don't want to stand around and be idle because i know if i do, i'll either get tired or get lazy, and i don't want to be lazy because i want to make money. since it is apparently busier than ever there now (i wouldn't know it, the two days i've worked have been slow as shit, just $50 made each day) that's why i went back, because moolah is a thing i need and don't have much of right now.

matt and i are getting along. i don't think he likes me anymore. he doesn't seem to actually want to spend time with me the way he did, probably because we see each other at home all the time. i just remember in the first few months of our relationship, when he used to beg me to come stay the night (could it be because he just wanted to get laid?) and he treated me so tenderly... i guess after nearly 8 months he's just sick of my shit, and i keep on dishing it up time after time. so i'm going to just put in for more hours at work and for the next couple of weeks be out of the house as much as possible, and be a dream to him when i'm IN the house, and then maybe he'll start liking me again.

or is that just bull shit? i mean, is it supposed to become numb in a relationship after the fervour of the first few encounters dies down? i hope not. i mean, if it is, what's the point?

anyway, i'm going to go listen to joni mitchell and wash my dishes. ciao.

the coolest song in the world right now is:california - joni mitchell
if i were an emoticon i'd be:awake