more au sujet de my breasts. i just don't want ape titties, people.
2005-11-19 - 11:02 a.m.

well, $8.22 later, the discovery is, of course, that i am not pregnant. and the verdict is in: my breasts are larger. significantly. not only do they FEEL heavier (i played with them for about ten minutes in the mirror this morning) but they sag, now, when i lift my arms. this is rather depressing.

it's odd that most girls, while young, wish for larger breasts. why? because in high school while puberty is being achieved by everyone, breasts are the seller. guys want boobs. only once we've all grown up do we realise that most men are content with just a handful (even though guys will usually ogle a huge pair strapped beneath a t-shirt. maybe it's just a packaging thing, i don't know.)

i prefer small breasts, both on myself and on other people. i just think they look better. my friend and current girl-crush, kate, has the best breasts known to man. she recently got her nipples pierced, which only serves to highlight their positive qualities.

anyway. my breasts. i have enormous nipples, what my coworker rhonda calls "mom nipples" that are probably about the size of... oh, let's say, a soda can. which is ridiculous, because i wear a B cup (currently, anyway, i don't know, that trend may have to change.) this leads my breasts to look like runny fried eggs. this, combined with the fact that i'm a ridiculous hippie (and therefore have not worn bras for a lot of my life and therefore my breasts droop uncontrollably) does not reassure me. in my opinion, my breasts look like those of an extremely overweight man (minus the hair)- they're not round at all, just saggy. i have recently contemplated purchasing scores of new underwear once i have the money, matching sets and all. but it's such a bitch, especially when you're in a monogamous relationship. besides, doesn't underwear have to be washed separately?

the last expensive bra i bought was from victoria's secret. i ruined it in the wash when it went through the dryer with a pen and got ink all over it. the last expensive pair of panties i bought was from frederick's of hollywood, and not only did they not fit right and make my hips look fat (they were a fucking extra large, mind you, and while i may be many things, i wear a size 7 in pants) but i also happened to wear them the day i got my period with a vengeance, and the stain has never come out.

so, despite how great it looks and how jealous i am of all the perfectly matched, perfectly posed girls in cosmopolitan, underwear is just a pain in my ass.

i don't wear thongs, in case anyone cared. my ass is the ugliest thing known to man.

so anyway. all digressing aside, my breasts have grown larger, and i can only attribute it to birth control pills. (come to think of it, i didn't get breasts until i started TAKING birth control pills when i was 17.) i do not want this because the larger they are, the uglier they are. when i lost weight before, my breasts also shrunk and became quite goodlooking.

i just don't want ape titties, people. i just don't want ape titties.

the coolest song in the world right now is:hand in my pocket - alanis morrissette
if i were an emoticon i'd be:large-breasted. for sure this time.

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