i tear my heart open. i have triple bipass surgery.
2006-02-10 - 6:54 p.m.

gadzooks. it's been an interesting couple of days.
no, i lie. yesterday was a day off, and thoroughly uninteresting. i cleaned the house, played chess in the park with matt, took photographs of a bee which are now available on my DA site (http://la-tigresa.deviantart.com) and ate a steak dinner, which, for medical purposes, is also not agreeing with me. god damn it. must i always have indigestion every time i update my blog? i've been eating yogurt, but to little avail. all THAT does is prevent me from farting like a maniac. oh well, mixed blessings, right.

for a few days i was wanting to be religious. now i think i'll just stick with surrealism, as it satisfies my neuroses like no god ever did.

anyway, wednesday night was matt's thing, which i celebrated by showing up looking hot, and then proceeding to get so drunk that i vomited thrice, in quite a conformist fashion, in the bathroom of the tempe clubhouse. this was a first for me. i'm not a drinker by any means; however, when i drink, it's to get drunk. i take no other pleasure in it, as i find the taste abhorrable. this little incident has knocked quite a lot of wind out of my sails, as i feel embarrassed as hell. my only consolation is that everyone else, save matt, was batshit drunk, and probably won't remember or care that it occured. matt took care of me splendidly, as he reassured me he has experience with such matters. still, my pride has been knocked away. i don't know why everyone knocks ketamine so much. it feels better than being drunk, there is no hangover, and no one gets the munchies. it only takes a little, and though the taste is terrible, caramel (toffee?) ketamine was recently patented by none other than pirate rob himself, so that takes the edge off.

aside from that, i have done f.a. the scale at arnaud's house has me weighing at 135 fucking pounds. something needs to be done about that.

am still contemplating the sexual world, and realised yesterday that sex after several days of not being pressured to have sex can actually be enjoyable. a lesson to be learned in all this, i think. the object of my desires is wavering on her loyalties and there's a chance we may get together soon. how i feel about that is beyond me. i don't condone fidelity as that would be severely hypocritical, but for purely selfish reasons i am worried there will be regrets later.

i invite everyone with flash to go here:

this is the end, my friend.
p.s. after all that fuss i don't actually know if the band matt is in is any good. i spent my time either getting an erection watching him while i tried to remain upright in the midst of a drunken haze, or taking photographs, so i didn't listen to the music. maybe next time.

the coolest song in the world right now is:schfifty-five (really, you want to click)
if i were an emoticon i'd be:bitchy.

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